Why Buy A Bike From Us?
Ten Incredible Reasons To Make Us Your Choice!
![]() 1. Every pro in the pro peloton buys their bikes here. We repaint and redecal them so they look like their sponsors bikes. Why do they do this? Because we pay the president of the International Cycling Union LOTS of money to convince them to do so. |
2. We do a better job of fitting you to your new bike than any store in the world ![]() |
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4. Every model we choose to stock goes through a rigorous testing process. They're stress-tested, race-tested, flame-tested, taste-tested, water-tested, marinated in basil-pesto-soy sauce and tested for their ability to make you attractive to the opposite sex. |
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![]() 5. Our new GyroscopicMyopicNimbulator keeps your bike from ever falling over, even while you're riding it. Even better, should you have a need to fall down (so you can gracefully withdraw from a race, demonstrate how not to ride or create insurance fraud opportunities), you can turn the GMN off with the flip of a switch. |
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8. Studies have shown that people who purchase our bikes live longer, have brighter smiles, are promoted quicker, encounter fewer red lights, are seventeen times more likely to win the lottery, produce smarter children and, of course, make you infinitely more physically appealing. |
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